Show me humble; I’ll show you loser

Humility isn’t a coveted contemporary virtue. It’s rarely displayed in politics, business, athletics, fashion, entertainment, or religion. We’re all about self-expression and independence. We seldom pass up an opportunity to “take pride” in this or that, to bask in such things as “American exceptionalism.”

We scratch our heads when hearing Jesus’ words about the first being last. We are curious, perhaps, about somebody like the Dalai Lama, a worldwide celeb who tells audiences he’s “just another human being,” and urges people to adopt humility. Or when we hear and see Pope Francis speaking about and acting out of humility. But they just don’t fit in the world we know.

But does all our pride lead to happiness?

Unrealistic expectations

Sure, people should never put themselves down, and people with good self-esteem are happier. That’s not the kind of “pride” I’m talking about. I’m referring to the pride recognized for centuries as one of the seven “deadly” sins (You can do an Internet search to see the others.) because it results from unrealistic expectations – the failure to see ourselves, as closely as possible, as we really are. Expectations are seldom fulfilled, and that doesn’t make us happy.

Several weeks ago, my wife and I attended a Mass in Denver celebrated by Fr. Tony D’Souza, a psychologist and Jesuit priest from India who has co-authored a book on awareness.

“When we let go of our expectations,” he said in his homily, “everything becomes a gift.” As a boy in India he used to visit a 95-year-old woman who told him, “I go to bed every night not expecting to wake up. When I do, I feel so grateful.”

So what do expectations and gratitude have to do with humility?

Humility results from realistic expectations. Inevitably, that results in gratitude, and gratitude promotes happiness, for us and those around us.

Contrary to initial impressions, Jesus didn’t preach wimpish humility. Based on the gospel as a whole, I don’t believe that’s what he had in mind when he said, “Blessed are the meek.” On the contrary, he promoted courage and personal toughness in a society that matched today’s apathy and hard-heartedness. He also promoted recognizing your talents and using them for your own good and that of others. He opposed “hiding them under a bushel.”

So what is humility? To me, it’s a version of honesty, the honesty that helps you accurately evaluate yourself and see where you fit in. It’s not about putting yourself down or a sense of inferiority. It’s certainly not about hiding your talents.

Comparisons hard to resist

This kind of humility doesn’t come easy. It’s hard to resist comparing yourself to others, feeling superior to those who have had a tough time reaching “success” or feeling down when you believe you’re “falling behind” and not measuring up. That’s why, as I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, my frequent prayer is, “Lord, help me see things as they really are.”  

It’s a sign of the cynicism of our age that Mother Teresa, who gave her life to the poor, could be the butt of so many jokes. They trivialize her and her work, which is unmatched for its selflessness and heroic service to others. Such a woman is worth hearing.

“Humility,” she said, “is the mother of all virtues …. It is in being humble that our love becomes real, devoted and ardent. If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.”

So, humility means being honest with yourself, recognizing your talents and being willing to share them, but knowing you’re not perfect and accepting who you are. Only someone who lacks insight into humankind and the nature of God can say that constitutes being a “loser.”