Are We Really “Special?”

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I heard an anecdote years ago about an elementary teacher who repeatedly stamped each pupil’s paper with, “You’re special!”

Ok, so it could mean, “You’re one of a kind,” or “You’re special to me,” but the irony of stamping everyone’s paper with that phrase was evidently lost on the teacher, and on many of the students if Tim Urban, a blogger for the Huffington Post, is to be believed. Thinking they’re special is one reason people in Generation Y, the generation born between the late 1970s and the mid-1990s, are unhappy, Urban wrote in a post last year.

Lucy, his fictional character from Gen Y, is also part of a yuppie culture that comprises a large portion of Gen Y.

“I have a term for yuppies in the Gen Y age group – I call them Gen Y Protagonists & Special Yuppies, or GYPSYs. A GYPSY is a unique brand of yuppie,” he writes, who think they are “the main characters of a very special story.”

Urban has a formula: Happiness = Reality – Expectations. For him, it’s simple. If people’s lives turn out better than expected, they’re happy. If they turn out worse, they’re unhappy.

Maybe a little too simple. But I believe the idea may have value and Urban provides interesting arguments, starting with the GYPSYs’ grandparents and parents. The grandparents were “desperate for economic security,” he wrote, and urged their children, the baby boomers, to seek secure careers. The baby boomers would have to put in years of hard work to get it done, however.

The baby-boomer parents of Gen Y, then, had great aspirations for prosperity, most of which – because of their personal  resources and a period of national prosperity – were fulfilled. Their success exceeded their expectations. Naturally, they wanted the same or more for their GYPSY children and told them they could be “anything they wanted.”

GYPSYs emerged with tremendously exaggerated ambitions, leading to Urban’s “facts” about them, starting with, “GYPSYs are wildly ambitious.” They want to “follow their passions” to careers that are “fulfilling” and successful.

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Urban’s second “fact” comes from the “You’re special” idea: “GYPSYs are delusional.” Like the children of Lake Wobegon on the Prairie Home Companion Radio Show, all of them are “above average.”

So GYPSYs believe they are special and that consequently, their careers will take off in a very short time. “Even right now,” writes Urban, “the GYPSYs reading this are thinking, ‘Good point... but I actually am one of the few special ones.’

“Unfortunately, the funny thing about the world is that it turns out to not be that easy of a place, and the weird thing about careers is that they're actually quite hard. Great careers take years of blood, sweat and tears to build … and even the most successful people are rarely doing anything that great in their early or mid-20s.”

So, Urban writes, “since the real world has the nerve to consider merit a factor,” Lucy finds herself a few years out of college, frustrated and unhappy.

Adding to the problem, says Urban, Lucy is “taunted” by her friends on Facebook, the perfect platform with which to continually compare yourself to others.

Urban urges GYPSYs to remain “wildly ambitious,” but stop thinking they’re special and understand they may have to work hard for a long time to attain their goals. Finally, they should ignore others. To paraphrase a cliché, their grass is seldom greener.

All this is simplistic and full of generalizations, but there may be some truth to it. I suspect GYPSY traits spill over into the age groups before and after them, and may have affected all of us. Unrealistic expectation is undoubtedly a universal problem.

In a blog last year, I wrote about Tony D'Souza, a psychologist and Jesuit priest from India who has co-authored a book on awareness. In a homily I heard in Denver, he said, "When we let go of our expectations, everything becomes a gift." As a boy in India he used to visit a 95-year-old woman who told him, "I go to bed every night not expecting to wake up. When I do, I feel so grateful."

Believers may not define “success” the same as non-believers. Believers try – though not often successfully – to “see things as God sees them.” So someone could be a homeless person, a prison lifer or a bottom-of-the-barrel junkie and be a “success” in God’s eyes. That explains why Jesus, who saw into people’s hearts, was a friend of prostitutes and tax collectors.    

 

I know I often quote Pope Francis, but it’s because I admire him and believe he has a lot to say to today’s world. Here are his suggestions, provided in an interview earlier this year, on how to be happy. The interview brought criticism from some Christians because he didn’t mention God.

 

1.       Let everyone be him/herself.

2.       Give yourself tirelessly to others.

3.       Walk softly (that is, with kindness, calmness and humility).

4.       Be available to your kids and family.

5.       Spend Sundays (or a day of rest) with your family.

6.       Work toward empowering young people.

7.       Care for the environment.

8.       Move on (from negative experiences. This often involves forgiveness.)

9.       Respect others’ opinions.

10.     Actively strive for peace.

 

I think the Pope didn’t mention God because he knows doing these things will bring people close to God, and even more happiness. Maybe only in God’s eyes are we all “special.”