How Will You Be Remembered?

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I’m a faithful reader of obituaries in the daily newspaper. If you weren’t sure that I’m a member of the “geezer” generation, my reading of obits confirms it.

Obits provide stories about ordinary people- surprisingly, of various ages - rich and poor (although the cost of obits has become a barrier for many people), whites and people of color, professionals, execs, laborers, office workers, members of the clergy. There’s nothing like death to expose our equality as human beings!

Some obits are funny, such as one published a year or so ago that gave the deceased’s name followed by only two words: “He died.” Some are a bit boring and follow a predictable pattern, but most have something interesting to say. Recently, I was struck by how many list the deceased person’s qualities, reasons that person was admired by family and friends.

“She spent a lifetime caring for her family, friends and others.”

His Smile and Compassionate Spirit

“(He) touched the lives of many of us with his smile and compassionate spirit, and maintained his trademark sense of humor all the way to the end.”

“She never missed a beat as a mother. She had an uncanny ability to always know when her support was needed, and even in the worst of times, she was always able to bring fun and laughter to her family.”

“All will miss her smile, sweet voice, red lips, and lively spirit. She made everyone’s day brighter. Our hearts are full because of her.”

“He will be remembered for his loving and encouraging nature, good manners, and chivalrous character. (He) also had a great sense of humor and was best at making others laugh.”

Each of these is from obituaries in a single Sunday newspaper.

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There’s a tongue-in-cheek Colombian saying that “No hay muerto malo, novia fea o suegra buena,” meaning “There are no bad dead people, ugly girl friends or good mothers-in-law.” We should, of course, expect what we say about our deceased family members and friends to be a bit exaggerated.

Still, it’s obvious to me that the vast majority of people in this world – regardless of their politics, race, religion or location – have admirable qualities that often are recognized only upon their death.

This brings us to the question of how our own obituary will be written, if not in a newspaper, on an online funeral-home site. It’s true that some people have the privilege of writing their own, but most of us will have obits written by family members. What will they say about us? How do we want to be remembered?

People of faith, and people searching for God, should hope that their obits mirror those mentioned above. This is true especially for those of us committed to Christianity, and those who aspire to this commitment, because as in many other areas of life, we gain faith by doing as well as by believing.

Service to Others, in Love

In this cynical age, it’s easy to ignore the Christian Bible’s principal message: That we must be of service to others, in love.

There’s no more powerful reminder of that than in Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians. Say what you will about being practical, about love being a show of “weakness,” about it’s being only for “losers,” about its uselessness or its pain, love is an absolute necessity for searchers for God. It trumps all other religious impulses or spirituality, to say nothing of philosophies or political views. Without it, says Paul, you are nothing and gain nothing.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.