Why So Hard to Talk about God?

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I understand that my weekly blog is counter-cultural, and for some of my friends and acquaintances, it may even be embarrassing. You just don't talk or write about God, and religion - especially as often as I do.

That’s why I was intrigued by a recent article in the New York Times entitled, “Why Is It So Hard to Talk about God?” It’s an interview by Times writer Lauren Jackson with Krista Tippett, creator and host of the radio program, On Being, and author of a book called, Why Religion Matters—and How to Talk About It.

Jackson believes religion “dominates American politics and culture, but many people struggle to talk about it — especially with those who might disagree with them.” I’m not sure about the first part. In what sense does it “dominate” our politics and culture?

Rarely Discuss Religion

But I believe it’s evident that most Americans rarely discuss religion with others, a view that is backed by a Pew study from 2019. It’s a taboo subject.

Tippett refers to “an old maxim” that says you can’t talk about certain subjects in public. They include “sex, politics, money and religion. In reality, we talk about sex, politics and money all the time. But many view religion as an “excruciatingly intimate thing to talk about.”

Why is it considered “intimate,” and why “excruciating?” I think answers to the first question include the fact that “religion” is among the most personal aspects of our lives. It’s considered private, and therefore somewhat embarrassing. It is, many people say, “between God and me.”

So why excruciating? There are 370 “recognized” religions in the U.S., according to Copilot Answer, and many of the members of these groups have firmly held beliefs about the superiority of their brand of faith. Attempts at calm, rational conversations about faith – among family members, friends and acquaintances – don’t often end well.

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What’s more, I believe many of us lack a firm grasp of the tenets of our own faith and are less than sure of ourselves in conversations on the subject. When it comes to faith, many have only a grammar-school education and even when they have deeply held beliefs, they many unable to express them. After all, it’s a discussion of the transcendent and that vocabulary is foreign to many of us.  

For Tippett, this is a problem. She quotes Grace Davie, a sociologist of religion, who says understanding how religion shapes our country and culture “requires careful and thoughtful public debate and it requires attention. We’ve lost the language.”

Jackson wrote that she spent a year reporting on the landscape of contemporary belief. “I heard from people around the country that they long to talk about their personal experiences with religion and spirituality — but struggle to start the conversation.

“People have misconceptions about religion: They say it is a violent force in human life. Or it’s stupid. Or it’s just so soft that it’s beside the point. They say people can do it in private, but we don’t have to talk about it in public.”

Jackson suggests that a direct approach is not the best.

“I’ve found it helps to frame the question in terms of someone’s childhood. I begin my shows by asking: “Was there a religious or spiritual background to your childhood or your earliest life?” What about now?

Describing the Transcendental

As for me and this blog, I try to avoid religious language because it turns people off. But it’s hard to avoid because religious language is uniquely meant to describe the transcendental. We live in the mundane and feel awkward trying to talk about the idea of the “holy.” I also try to remember that my answers may not fit everybody.

But I decided to start this blog over 12 years ago precisely because God is hard to talk about, and I considered myself uniquely positioned – as a former priest and a former journalist – to write about the subject. It has taken many years to get people to read it, but the number of people viewing the blog has grown and is now between 700 and 1,000 per week, according to Blogger, the online program I use.

That’s encouraging. I can only hope these readers and new ones will find the blog useful in coming closer to God.


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