Who is Seeking Whom?
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Then
we grew up, and all of those stories and our reaction to them seemed childish.
We learned that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were bogus. Surely God is,
too.
We
may have also noticed that many adults don’t take religion seriously, so why
should we? We may have learned in college that the world and all that is in it
resulted from random natural selection, not from a seven-day creation spree by
an invisible God. And we may have concluded that reason and faith are
incompatible.
So
what about now? Is our indifference or hostility to faith due to an
intellectual commitment to the truth or to some vague notion that those beliefs,
experiences and aspirations of childhood are childish? Or is it simply due to
apathy and fecklessness, a satisfaction with our lives as they are, or the
common notion that God is no longer needed?
I’ve
recently finished reading the book, “Living with a Wild God: A Non-Believer’s
Search for The Truth about Everything,” by Barbara Ehrenreich. It’s sort of an autobiography
by a muckraking journalist who has a doctorate in cellular immunology but who,
instead of pursuing a career in science, has had a life of research, advocacy
and activism.
She
is, perhaps, best known for her 2001 book, “Nickel
and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America.” It chronicles her three-month
experiment in trying to get by on minimum wage as a hotel maid, nursing-home
aide, waitress and Wal-Mart clerk.
In
“Living with a Wild God,” Ehrenreich writes of her early struggles with belief
and her coming down on the side of non-belief. She thought of herself and still
describes herself as an atheist. In fact, she went through a period of
believing that nothing exists outside herself (solipsism).
Still,
she had a kind of repeated “altered state of consciousness” as a youth, which
she has trouble describing. Later, she would refer to it as “the Presence” or
“emergent quality.” She doesn’t believe it was a manifestation of God, however.
“Since
we have long since outgrown the easy answer – God – along with theism of any
kind, we have to look for our who
within what actually exists,” she writes.
She
makes no rational arguments against belief, it should be noted. Like many
commentators on religion, she simply begs the question, saying that we’ve
“outgrown” God.
Although
Ehrenreich rejects the “God of Religion,” she doesn’t reject the “Wholly Other
revealed in mystical experiences,” though she can’t describe it. Although she
has a scientific background, she’s ambivalent toward science itself. And she
mostly ignores the intellectual giants who for centuries have given good
reasons for belief.
The
mind’s work, she writes, is “…to condense all the chaos and mystery of the
world into a palpable Other or Others, not necessarily because we love it, and
certainly not out of any intention to ‘worship it.’”
An
obviously intelligent and astute observer of life, Ehrenreich writes all around
God and seems to have a vague feeling that there’s more to reality than what we
can test and measure. She intuits that someone or something exists outside the
world as we know it, but she just can’t put her finger on it.
She
can’t bring herself to accept the God of Judeo-Christianity, but she seems
close.
Whatever
that “presence” is, she writes, “…I have the impression, growing out of the
experiences chronicled here, that it may be seeking us out.”
Ehrenreich
had little experience with organized religion growing up and the experiences
she did have were negative. As mentioned, most of us have a different
experience, learning about Christianity or Judaism at a young age and
eventually having to choose to accept or reject it, or we simply drifted away
from it.
Even if we’re indifferent about that
faith today, our sense of fairness and determination to do good undoubtedly comes
from that source. And though we may not want to admit it to others or
ourselves, we may have maintained a longing for God we haven’t been able to
shake.
Though maintaining a healthy
skepticism, we should ignore the juvenile notion that faith is juvenile and
trudge on in our search for God, being open to our earliest instincts and the
obvious ways in which God may be calling us. Ehrenreich and millions like her
who haven’t yet been able to accept that call still seem to feel his/her
presence, from which none of us can hide.
O where can I go
from your spirit,
Or where can I
flee from your face?If I climb the heavens, you are there.
If I lie in the grave, you are there.
If I take the
wings of the dawn
Or dwell at the
sea’s furthest end,Even there your hand would lead me;
Your right hand would hold me fast.
-Psalm
139 (Catholic Bibles)
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