When Church Doesn’t Feel Like a Spiritual Place

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“As a child,” writes Annika Freese in a recent issue of America magazine, “I could never find God in his house.

“Sitting in Mass I felt like a machine that could not manage to function properly. I had all the right parts and pieces, but together they would not produce the desired outcome. Looking around, it seemed as if everyone else was automatically filled with God’s grace as soon as they walked in the church doors.

“Church did not feel like a spiritual place to me,” Annika continues.  “I felt judged within its walls and like I did not belong, because I could not feel what everyone else around me appeared to be feeling.”

First, Annika – a high school senior who lives in Amman, Jordan, and appears to be wise beyond her years – is certainly not alone. Millions of people feel disconnected when attending church services. In my experience, the liturgy that attracts, inspires and confirms you in faith is the exception not the rule.

Undoubtedly Clouded

Secondly, Annika’s observation of others attending church is undoubtedly clouded by the kind of assumptions that many have in adolescence: that others are feeling and doing what they’re supposed to do, and doing it better, while we’re not.

Personally, as a child I was usually OK – and sometimes even moved – by attending Mass, even though it was in Latin and the priest had his back to the people. It was sometimes boring, but I found the music beautiful, mysterious and stirring and the prayers mostly meaningful.

Little by little, I began investing more of myself in Mass and now I’m getting the payoff: a weekly experience that is meaningful and prayerful – and sometimes moving – and that provides bonding with fellow parishioners. I eventually realized that, just like most things, you have to put something into it to get something out of it.   

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Not everyone finds God in church, of course, but sometimes the various paths to God lead back to the kind of communal worship that is so important to faiths like Christianity. That’s what happened in Annika’s case.

She stopped going to church and stopped praying. But as a older teen she had the privilege of traveling to places many of us would consider exotic and tells of being on a boat crossing the Bosporus in Turkey when she had a wake-up moment.

“The wind was blowing and the golden sun was shining on my face,” she writes. “An intense feeling of safety and comfort washed over me. I saw before me birds flying low over the water. I saw trees blowing in the wind, moving with the flow of the universe. The sky was cloudless and the kind of ideal blue one sees only in paintings.

“…And even as I looked out at the water and took in this completely new vision, a certain familiarity overtook me. I had felt this before; I had felt this happiness and excitement for life before. I believe that God was calling me back through nature at that moment.”

Not many of us have such moments. And we may be tempted to dismiss Annika’s because of her youth. But isn’t it possible that they seldom happen because we’re so caught up in our busyness that we don’t take time to “smell the roses.” May God be trying to reach us and we’re tuned out?

Helen Ackermann writes on the subject on the St. Anthony Spirituality Center web site.

Surrounded by Mystery

“I have come to the conclusion that experiencing God in nature is not only about awe, beauty and wonder …. It is more than that. Is it possible that people feel the presence of God when they are surrounded by mystery? Isn’t it a relief to not be in control, to not have to understand everything?

“In our culture it seems that the opposite is true.  The kind of control we need to exercise and the immense knowledge we should possess can lead to enormous stress. It is much better to accept the mystery of God in nature and to allow ourselves to simply stand in awe.”

Skeptics who are open to the many experiences and people God uses to bring us to him are rewarded.

Nature isn’t everybody’s “thing,” but fortunately, God can be found in teaching a Kindergarten class or making a sale; in solving mathematics problems or doing research on the DNA molecule; in helping a neighbor move or praying with a sick loved one. We just have to be open.

“Finding God is a very personal experience,” writes Annika. “No one can be sure of when or where this discovery will take place. But if we listen closely, we will find that God is always calling his children home. There is nowhere I can go that God’s love cannot find me. And now, when I walk into his house, I seek God there, too.”