Resilience, and the Search for God
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In the summer, we spent whole mornings or afternoons in a
huge nearby park, which had hills and woods with a creek running through it. We
would, of course, make sure we were home for meals.
The neighborhood was filled with kids, and besides playing
sports and games together, we had plenty of disagreements and even some fights.
But we almost always worked things out without our parents’ help.
These are different times, not necessarily worse times. But
nowadays, this kind of independence by children could bring charges of parental
neglect. Back then, I think it gave us a good start in life, in resolving our
own problems, overcoming obstacles, learning the give and take you need to live
with other people.
How Resilient Are We?
I recently read an article in the magazine “Living City,” a
publication of Focolare – a worldwide movement, founded by an Italian, Catholic
laywoman, dedicated to religious unity. The article is entitled, “How Resilient
Are We?” It’s written by the publication’s editor, Susanne Janssen.
Among its questions: “What can adults do to teach children
resilience?” The article defines resilience as “the ability to manage and
bounce back from the bumps encountered in everyday life.”
Janssen sees a dramatic decline over the past few decades in
children’s opportunities to play, explore and pursue their own interests away
from adults.
“They have not been given the opportunity to get into
trouble and find their own way out of it, to try something new and not be good
at it, to experience failure and realize they can survive it, to be called
names by others and learn how to respond without adult intervention.”
I believe that’s generally true, but to be honest, I don’t
know how I would feel about it if I were a parent of small children today. I’ve
often tried to decide whether the risks of growing up in today’s world are
exaggerated. Is the world really that dangerous compared to the last decade or
the ones before it? I simply don’t know, but I know that’s the perception and I
understand why most parents want to come down on the side of safety.
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Resilience, however, is an extremely valuable asset for
people of all ages. In fact, it probably grows in importance as we age. Life
certainly isn’t easy in our teenage years, and young adults are burdened with
the sometimes overwhelming tasks of starting or raising a family, establishing
a career and paying bills.
The problems of those ages are replaced in middle age and
old age by others, often those of losses due to poor health or deaths of loved
ones. At my age, you face loss of close family members, loss of physical
strength, and the “pain of the week.” It takes a lot of resilience to keep on
an even keel.
One of author Janssen’s suggestions is to “teach your
children to set realistic, achievable goals.” But one of things for which I’m
most grateful about my own childhood is that there was no talk of “goals” at
all. You simply wanted to have fun as a kid, grow up, and following your
parents’ example, do something worthwhile and be a good person who respected
others and contributed to society.
I suppose those could be considered “goals,” but I’m glad I
wasn’t burdened by parents with high expectations who pressure their children
to “achieve goals.” If we had goals, they were implicit in what we learned from
our parents, family, and life.
Fear and Lack of Persistence
It occurs to me that the search for God requires a lot of
resilience – the ability to overcome obstacles. Among the principal obstacles
are fear – that the search itself isn’t worthwhile, that you can’t maintain
honesty and faith at the same time, that you can’t do it in the face of others’
indifference or hostility – and lack of persistence.
Resilience implies a certain mental toughness, one that was
present in all great religious leaders. In the Judeo-Christian tradition, that
toughness is evident from Abraham to Jesus.
It also implies courage – having the self-confidence to know
you’re able to move on from failure and overcome obstacles. And above all,
perhaps, it implies patience, a willingness to “wait for God.”
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